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Does Valentine’s Day Complicate Relationships?

At the risk of sounding like a hater, I admit that I’m not big on Valentine’s Day the way it is often celebrated in my great big beautiful USA. What’s not to like?

Here are the Valentine’s Day biggies that rub me the wrong way:

Crowds of “last-minute” men in the 20-items-or-less aisle hoping their tinted carnations and cheap chocolates show enough “love” to appease their significant others, but knowing they’re probably in for a fight.
The false belief that the obligatory expression of affection on that day is, indeed, affection.
The thought from far too many women that if a man doesn’t open his wallet on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, and Sweetest Day (if you’re in the Midwest), the love and commitment he shows the rest of the year is negated.
The thought by a normally-negligent man that a pink bear and a $4 box of Russel Stovers will cover his backside.

Grrrr. Yes, I growled. Out loud.

Let’s get one thing straight right here, right now: Valentine’s Day the way it is celebrated today is a complication, and no relationship needs complication.

A Simple Valentine Tradition that Stuck

Does that mean we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day? No, it doesn’t. At The Simple Home, we keep it simple and fun…no unrealistic expectations!

This year we are having a Post-it note party. Each family member gets a pad of Post-it notes to write (or draw) on and exchange. It’s simple, heartfelt, creative, and a ton o’ laughs!

The Post-it exchange is a tradition that started accidentally the year my husband and I forgot the date (a regular occurrence) and hastily scratched out our feelings on Post-its. It was my favorite Valentine ever, and it stuck…no Post-it pun intended there.

Perhaps the main reason it stuck is because the simplicity of it fits our relationship.

Keeping Simplicity in Our Marriage

One thing my husband has always appreciated about me is my lack of expectation…about some things. I don’t demand (or expect) a big deal made out of Valentine’s Day. I don’t demand (or expect) a big to-do on our anniversary. (Truth be told, I don’t expect him, much less me, to even remember our anniversary!) I don’t expect my birthday to be fussed over.

I do expect effort to be put into the relationship itself, however.

He appreciates that lack of focus on ceremony…and so do I.

We have always focused more on the marriage than on ceremony. The planning we put into our wedding was nothing, nothing compared to what we have whole-heartedly poured into the marriage. We place more emphasis on the days than the dates, on the day-to-day marriage than on the “Hallmark” occasions. We always have, we always will, even if that means a Post-it note instead of roses and restaurants on Valentine’s Day.

Does this sound utterly unromantic to you?

Romance in the Real World

Life is dirty. It’s gritty. It’s real. We are two very real people in a very real life loving each other in a very real, raw way. That’s not romantic in and of itself.

Or is it…?

I see young love, which is nice…and young…and lovely…and idealistic…and romantic, maybe, but the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen is the old couple, scarred with years of raw gritty love, still standing by each other, still grumping and fussing and pestering and nagging and laughing and crying and holding on tightly. Still living together, still loving, still forgetting anniversaries and laughing about it, still hurting and forgiving. Knowing each other so well…so very well…but still learning about each other.

That’s romantic in my book.

And that’s simple love.

Simple love does not mean it’s easy. Simple love means it’s uncomplicated.

How do I Know if I’m Complicating my Marriage?

I have to, from time to time, look in a mirror and ask that crazy lady a few questions:

Am I complicating my marriage by focusing on dates more than days?
Do I put too much emphasis on appearances and dreams rather than on the raw grit of reality?
Are my expectations based on a movie or a friend’s (not necessarily accurate) portrayal of her marriage?
Do I hold my man up to the standard someone else has set (say, my grandfather, his dad, Mr. Darcy) instead of encouraging him to be the man God intended him to be?
Do I forgive and accept him the way I want and expect and need to be forgiven and accepted?
Am I loving my man out loud for who he is every day, or scorning him because today, on Valentine’s Day, he didn’t follow the script I wrote in my head?

Think about it.

Periodically I revisit a 14-day series I wrote on building strong families. When the nation is focused on the mush and gush, I like to build up my family’s foundation a bit, and remind myself (because I need reminding) what really matters in a marriage and on Valentine’s Day…and…I can’t believe I’m saying this…it isn’t chocolate.

I’d love to hear your thoughts below. Happy Valentine’s Day.

How To Mail a Hug – A 10-Step Picture Tutorial

Today I welcome four charming guests sharing their 10-step picture tutorial on How to Mail a Hug.

This idea originated at Tons of Fun. Her adorable version of a long-distance hug uses paint and ribbon, neither of which we have in our travel trailer. Therefore, we embraced creativity and frugality to create our own versions using what we had on hand. We spent no money (apart from postage) and added no “stuff” to our lives. (See how you can apply simplicity to every aspect of life, saving money, having fun, and avoiding clutter in the process!)

Now I will turn the stage over to my delightful guests, four of my seven children, as they explain in pictures how to mail a hug.

How to Mail a Hug

Pop it in an envelope and you’re all set! Simple, sweet, and suitable for any time of year!

Do you know anybody who could use a hug in the mail?

35 Simple, Candy-Free Valentine Ideas from Around the Web and Inside my Head

I’m sharing some simple, candy-free Valentine ideas with you today. Some are links, some are my own ideas, some are both, my versions being ultra simple, mildly to intensely cheesy, and leaning heavily on Sharpies and Post-its. My Valentine motto is “If you can’t say it with a Post-it note, you talk too much.” It’s kinda catchy, don’t you think?

Lunch box ideas:

Pop one or more of the followings items in a lunch box. Write on the items with a Sharpie or add a Post-it with a cheesy one-liner. (Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is the king of cheesy holidays.) Click through the links to see the classier ideas that inspired my simple Valentines:

The first three ideas are inspired by the lovely Melissa at Bless This Mess, who has many terrific, doable ideas at her site.

Orange: Orange ya gonna be my Valentine?

Cheese stick or beef jerky stick: Let’s stick together. Stick with me, Valentine. I’ll stick with you!

Fruit strips (the pure fruit varieties fit the candy-free theme):

grape: You’re grape, Valentine! Have a grape Valentine’s Day. (Cheesy alert!)
strawberry: I’d be berry happy if you’d be my Valentine. You’re berry sweet!
apple: You are the apple of my eye. (I can smell the Limburger!)

This clementine idea is a simplified version of a much classier Valentine treat found at Tutto Bella Blog (All Things Beautiful):

Cutie: You are a real cutie! Be mine, Cutie Patootie!

(Yeah, that boy needs a bath. Keepin’ it real!)

This banana idea comes from Twig and Thistle. She sells sweet lovin’ fruit stickers from her Etsy shop, which are a great idea for lunch boxes throughout the year. My version uses a permanent marker…and a banana…and isn’t quite as chic…but then again, neither am I.

Banana: I go bananas over you! I’m ape over you.

I could totally go for this trail mix idea from A Spicy Perspective. Make (or buy) a trail mix as healthy (or unhealthy) as your family prefers.

Trail mix: Follow the trail to my heart. (Cheesy? I dunno? I’m thinking it’s got a Hansel and Gretel charm to it. You could also say “I’d trail you anywhere,” but that’s kinda got “stalker” written all over it.)

Nut Mix: I’m nuts over you.

And, of course, there’s always the classic heart-shaped sandwiches cut with a cookie cutter, which beg the question, “What do you do with the rest of the sandwich?” Duh–breakfast for Mom!

To Pass out at School:

The orange, cutie, and fruit strip Valentines from the lunch box section above would work great if the classroom allows food. Or send the cheesesticks in a small collapsable cooler.

For non-food Valentines, pass out any of the following and attach a little tag (or hunt online for printables) with any of these cute (a.k.a. cheesy) sayings.

Ruler: You rule, Valentine! You’re the ruler of my heart! (CHEESE!)

Pencil: Write on, Valentine! You’re the write stuff! You’ve written on my heart. You’re all write. (Oh, the cheesiness slays me.)

Bookmark: You’re #1 in my book. Are you booked, or can you be my Valentine? (Ugh.)

Toothbrush (find cheap multi-packs at discount stores, drugstores, or dollar stores): You make me smile, Valentine! Or snag these Barry Manilow/James Taylor ideas from Jac o’ Lyn Murphey, ‘cuz what grade schooler isn’t a JamesTaylor fan? Seriously, mine are.

Homemade clay or a mini playdough: You’re shaping up to be a great Valentine! (Does it get any worse?)

Chapstick: Let’s stick together. Stick with me, Valentine. You’re the balm! (I can hear my kids gagging in the background.)

Grandparent (or Parent) Valentines:

How about a simple photo Valentine for Grandma and Grandpa?

This adorable blowing kisses photo idea is from Pinterest. (If the linked photo is yours, please let me know so I can credit you.):

We used red dry erase markers on a white board, because it’s what we have. See how you can take a great idea and make it your own without busting the budget or adding still more art supplies to your over-stuffed art cupboards!

This one screams I LOVE YOU, don’t you think?

Again, the magic of dry erase and a little cropping.

Or there’s the classic Eye Heart U photo.

A little bit of cheesy, a whole lotta lovin’! I’m particularly fond of the teen in the background. She’s saying, “Sure, I love you, but not enough to get involved in another of my mother’s crazy photo shoots.”

Grandma and Grandpa might also enjoy these crafty Valentines:

This idea of a long-distance hug comes from Tons of Fun:

We used two hand cut-outs and yarn, because, again, it’s what we have on hand, to create this hug to mail across the miles. Just for you, we even created an ultra-simple 10-step photo tutorial on how to mail a hug. (No cheese…or not much anyway.)

I found this adorable footprint Valentine card that you can make with your littlest littles over at Lil Sugar. I would have made my own, but painting my baby’s feet seemed counterproductive to what I want to accomplish in life, which is to not have paint all over my entire wardrobe and travel trailer. But your life goals are probably different than mine, so you…you can try it.

Lil Sugar also inspired this hand cut-outs idea.

Trace and cut out the child’s hand and add a cute saying, or just let the child decorate it. What? You want my ideas for cute sayings, even after the “You’re the balm!” line? Uhhhh, no, but here are some ideas from Lil Sugar:

Hold my hand, Grandma!
Forget me not. (with a string tied around one of the fingers)
You’re “hand” some. (Okay, so that one hints of cheesy.)

For your girl:

Give her cute hairpins and tag them with “I pinned you to be mine!” (I’m sorry. That’s a groaner.)

Pick out a cute pair of socks and add a tag that reads, “We make a great pair.” There is a printable available at Saltwater Kids where this cute idea originated.

For your boy:

Meck Mom has some ~~cute~~ manly Star Wars printable Valentines. Nothing says I love you with a macho, manly kinda love like a mind-controlling half human in a black helmet. I don’t know, ladies. Just go with it.

A matchbox car with a tag (i.e. post-it) that reads “You’ve raced your way into my heart.” Okay, my son would totally not get that, but he would like the car.

For your teen:

A poem written especially for the teen in your life:

Roses are red.
Get out of bed.
Give your mama a squeeze.
No you can’t have my keys.

It’s inspired, really. A-hem.

Here’s my favorite Valentine for my own teens:

A rock with the letter “U” on it. Come on…you get it, don’t you? U + rock…you rock! That’s borderline genius there.

For your man:

What hubby wouldn’t like to know he’s still your stud muffin after all these years! This idea, as well as a “one hot mama” idea can be found at Tutto Bella Blog:

A bag of nuts and bolts: Don’t bolt, cuz I’m nuts about you! (Whoa. That may have won the cheese of the day award!)

For your lady:

Chocolate. What?! Chocolate’s not candy! It’s not!

For that special someone…you know the person:

I can think of all kinds of Post-its for that one, but I’ll leave that to your imagination.

For a Special Valentine Meal at Home:

Find a tutorial to make heart-shaped carrots over at the beautiful blog Recipe By Photo. Toss them in a soup or serve them as a side dish.

Fruit kabobs are just one of three fruity ideas over at Life in Wonderland.

These cherry tomato hearts are precious for someone old enough to not put his eye out with a toothpick, so, that’s, like 40, right? Thanks to Eye Candy for the idea.

Check out these dark chocolate strawberry-bananas from Multiply Delicious. Okay, I know, I said candy-free, and chocolate has shown up twice, but is chocolate really candy? I like to think of chocolate as more of a digestif. Don’t know what a digestif is? Good, then maybe you’ll believe me.

Valentine Idea from Dayspring

It may be too late to get these in time for Valentine’s Day, but encouraging notecards for your friends are suitable year round, as are any expression of affection, appreciation, and love…although never is the cheesiness as acceptable as on February 14.

More ideas:

I have loaded my Pinterest Valentine’s Day board with oodles of (what appear to be) simple Valentine ideas. If you haven’t had enough cheesiness and want to check out other people’s cheese, pop on over.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Please share your ideas in the comments below. I’m sure they’re not half as cheesy as mine!

Fitting in Fitness on the Road with 7 Kids and a Dog

I am not a fitness expert. In fact, even though I was my high school valedictorian, I failed gym class in college. Life is funny like that. (You didn’t know that, did you, Mom? Surprise!)

Here’s why I failed. Consistency, which is sometimes the same as boredom. The class required me to come to the same room in the same building the same three days every week and do the same things on the same machines that always smelled the same…and that was not a good same smell, if you know what I mean.

Some people thrive on that…and they look buff. I don’t thrive on that…nor do I look buff. But I am trim and active. That’s nothing to scoff at, since I also turned 40 last week and have birthed seven children, and no, I’m not the type who gets the cute little pregnancy bump in front. I’m the type that hears, “Are you sure they’re not twins?” or my personal favorite, “It’s like you’re pregnant in front and in back.” Smack!

To add another dimension to the challenges of exercising, as my longtime readers know, we live in a travel trailer as we tour the country with my husband’s music mission.

Oh that’s right! They live in a trailer! How does she exercise? How does she stay sane?

We’ll take the sanity question another day, but the exercise question I answer at The Humbled Homemaker where I discuss my four basic principles that apply to exercise and almost every other aspect of my life, and I show how that plays out in my everyday life.

Just so we get the imagery straight, we’re not actually exercising ON the road, as in ON the dotted yellow lines…but you understood that, right? I thought so.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

Great deal alert:

As part of our fitness regime, we eat healthy…the good healthy, not the rice cakes and diet coke healthy, not the grapefruit diet healthy, not the cabbage soup for 14 days healthy, not the no ice cream EVER healthy. Blech! We generally eat “real” unprocessed food. Yum! 🙂 And we keep it simple in the process.

Here’s a terrific deal on the second edition of Real Food Basics, a guide for getting started on real foods. If you have the first edition, you receive the second edition free. For the rest of you, this is releasing for two days only (Monday and Tuesday, January 4 and 5, 2013) at $2.50. On Wednesday it jumps up to $5, and on March 1 it will hit its regular price of $7.95. You can do the math. It’s a great deal for 98 pages of real food hand holding. Use the code REALFOODLAUNCH.

Read my mini-review here.

Buy Real Food Basics for only $2.50 here!

40 Things I’ve Learned About Simplifying

Today is my 40th birthday. I know, I know, I’m supposed to lie about my age, but I don’t, and here’s why:

I don’t look bad for 40, but I look terrible for 23, so…why go there?
Nobody can call me a liar liar pants on fire.
Every day is a gift from God. Why would I pretend He’s doted on me any less than He has. That’s not very grateful.
The number 40 makes me sound wise enough to pull off a post like this one.

In honor of my 40th birthday, and particularly because of number 4 above, I’m sharing 40 things I’ve learned about simplifying. On your mark…get set…read!

1 – Humans can complicate anything, including simplifying.

2 – Simplifying is first and foremost a mindset.

3 – To do anything in life, especially something difficult, mere mortals need motivation. Find it. Mine is my family, peace, and joy.

4 – Less is more, true, but less is also less. If stuff acts as a security blanket, there are deep-seated emotions that need to be addressed before that stuff can be taken away. Nobody can throw out someone else’s stuff…although you’re welcome to get rid of mine!

5 – I love being able to reach into a drawer or cupboard to get something and know exactly where it’s going to be. I especially love not having to move anything else to get it. That’s motivation to not bring anything new into the house…or travel trailer, in our case.

6 – Empty cabinet space is my friend. You are my friend, too…but you may not put your stuff in my empty cabinet space.

7 – Stuff means clutter, and clutter means work, and work means time that could have been spent with loved ones or on something worthwhile that matters a whole lot more than dusting and organizing and cleaning and putting away stuff. (This is from my 12-year-old philosopher.)

8 – A child is happy playing with rocks and sticks. Why mess with that?

9 – A person can only wear one pair of pants and two shoes at a time without looking like a clown. Throw in a few extra so you’re not doing laundry every day and voila! Enough!

10 – Obligatory gift-giving has gotten out of hand. As my 12-year-old philosopher says, “If I can’t eat it, use it, or read it, I don’t want it.”

11 – I used to think that good stewardship meant keeping my things for a rainy day. Meanwhile, my rainy day stash was ruined by age and mini-disasters (otherwise known as mice) in storage. Now I define good stewardship as passing things on to others who can use them now, because maybe today is their rainy day. Part two of that is trusting that my need will be met on that eventual rainy day.

12 – An empty schedule is a thing of beauty.

13 – If an empty schedule scares someone, that someone needs to learn to enjoy being alone, being still, and being with family at home getting to know each other better as people, rather than mostly knowing each other as tasks on a calendar.

14 – The best times I have had with my family and with visitors is sitting at home with no activities, no television, no schedule, just talking and laughing…and eating.

15 – The best aspect of homeschooling is the simplicity–no buses, no bells, no parent-teacher conferences, no carpool, no pressure.

16 – We have had full schedules and empty schedules. When asked their preference, my children unanimously voted on empty schedules. I wonder if parents fill up the calendar for themselves, for the kids, or for society. We keep ours empty for simplicity, peace, and together time.

17 – I gave up keeping up with the Joneses when I realized that the Joneses weren’t heading where I want to be.

18 – I gave up keeping up with the Smiths when I realized that the Smiths had no idea what they were doing, and were only imitating the Joneses.

19 – I gave up keeping up with my own expectations when I realized, humbly, that my expectations were unattainable, unless I was willing to sacrifice joy, peace, and home on the altar of perfection. Unrealistic expectations complicate life.

20 – I gave up trying to meet other people’s expectations about two weeks after my first child was born (and again about every two weeks thereafter), because I realized that their expectations did not fit in with my family. Trying to please everyone complicates life.

21 – The word “need” is often confused with “want,” “might need,” and “am experiencing a momentary and illogical whim.” Ignore it.

22 – Money should be kept on a tight leash, giving being the exception…unless you are giving to a child (full-grown or otherwise) to fulfill a “need.”

23 – Getting rid of processed foods may initially seem like complicating life, but in the end it is simple, affordable, and healthy.

24 – Few things are as therapeutic as a walk outside with the man you love.

25 – Simplifying makes time for the important things, like a game of chess with my boy or calling Mom and Grandma.

26 – Screens are time-suckers. Turn. Them. Off.

27 – Use the word “no” often with others so you can use the word “yes” often with your family.

28 – Never volunteer without sleeping on it for a week, and discussing it with your husband and kids.

29 – Don’t let other people undermine the peace in your home.

30 – Homeschoolers need to set visitors’ hours, because some people think homeschooling means they can bring their kids over at any time to play with your kids.

31 – Answering machines and voice mail are excellent tools. Use them.

32 – It’s okay to wipe the slate clean and start over.

33 – Sometimes we need to go into crisis mode, and that’s okay. Handling the basics during that time (food, safety, and snuggling) is enough.

34 – The words “I can’t” are often synonymous with “I don’t want to.”

35 – Everybody has a different definition of simplifying. To me, simplifying is reducing clutter, stress, outrageous schedules, and anything else that robs me and my family of our joy.

36 – People should always be prioritized above ideals, possessions, pets, and pretty much anything else under heaven.

37 – Use your time, energy, and calendar space on that which is most important to you first, such as the children and dessert. Don’t save the best for last, because all-too-often there’s no room left.

38 – Never start one activity until the previous activity is finished, even if that means you’re eating bananas and popcorn for lunch.

39 – Simplicity (and the joy and peace that go with it) cannot be obtained over night. The little victories and improvements along the way are almost as good as chocolate…almost.

40 – Simplifying is hard work, but it’s worth it.

There you have it, friends. Forty years of wisdom condensed onto one page. It’s almost frightening how puny 40 years of wisdom looks.

Ah well, my daughter is making her amazing variation of these chocolate goodies for me right now, and I’m certainly wise enough to not be late for that party! I’m outta here!

Please share your simplifying wisdom in the comments below.

For a little glimpse into our family life on the road, check out A Day in the Life of the Travel Bags.

Unfolding Your Wings

There’s an email in my inbox with the subject line “Unfolding Your Wings.” It’s been sitting in there quite some time, unread.

I don’t want to read it. You see, sometimes I go through a tiny little phase where I don’t want anyone telling me to unfold my wings. That sounds like stepping outside of my comfort zone, which experience tells me is … uncomfortable. I want to stay here in my cozy kitchen in my cozy house in my cozy mountain valley. I even want to stay in my cozy pajamas! Sometimes I don’t want to unfold my wings and fly.

Because what if I crash.

I know a lot about crashing…but only because, despite my sniveling whiny attitude right now, I know a lot about unfolding my wings.

My family did a little wing unfolding last year.

We closed down our business of 13 years and packed seven homeschooled kids, a 125-pound dog, and two guitars into a 220 square-foot travel trailer and set out on the road for a trial year of running my husband’s traveling Christian music mission full-time. I guess we unfolded our wings.

Three of us wrote novels last year. I’ve been scratching at that itch for years, and I finally did it. That required a little wing stretching.

We weaned my Crohn’s daughter down to a low dose of her medication, and continued exploring and implementing dietary healing. Flap flap.

We transformed a new, colicky baby with food sensitivities into a healthy, happy, active delight through Mama’s food elimination, extended nursing, and lots of prayer. Lift off!

Now we face a new challenge. We are packing up our house for good and heading back out on the road, this time without a nest to fly back to. We leave on Saturday.

What if it doesn’t work? What if we can’t make it? What if my daughters relapse? What if we can’t manage to thrive in all our quirky uniqueness (let’s just call it charm) without a place to call home? What if…?

Because you know what? Sometimes, no matter how hard people try, no matter how hard we try, we crash.

And crashing hurts.

A lot.

But I don’t think crashing hurts as much as never trying.

This, this right here is the sole single thing that differentiates people who will fly (and yes, probably eventually crash) from the people who will stay in their cozy PJs in their cozy kitchens staring at an email they’re afraid to open.

My family, my husband and I, my children–we keep trying.

We get back up. We beat back the feeling of not wanting to ever venture again from our comfort zones. We close our ears to the critics who label us failures, tell us to get “real jobs,” or, strangely enough, call us quitters. And then we begin once again to unfold our wings.

What are you looking at in the months ahead?

Are you facing a home full of clutter or disorganization? Are you torn in too many directions? Are you overwhelmed by the apparently astronomical leaps it will require to improve your family’s health? Has your life become so complicated that uncomplicating it is too complicated? Are you struggling in the throes of young motherhood with no tangible help or encouragement?

I’m going to be here gently nudging you outside of your comfort zone in the coming months. I’m going to be saying some things about your stuff and your commitments and your schedules that maybe you don’t want to hear…okay, that you totally don’t want to hear. I’m going to be that email that you don’t open, because you know that, even though it might take you to a better place, a less complicated place, a joyful place, it might require a little discomfort, a little unfolding of the wings, to get there.

You will crash and it will hurt and people who love you will say hurtful things because of it and you might even cry in public or get mad at me, and that’s fine, but then you have to pick the gravel out of your teeth, shake off the critics, push aside the self-doubt, and break through the walls of your comfort zone (or fear chamber) and unfold your wings all over again.

Whatever it is…whatever is holding you back and pushing you down…wherever you want to be a month from now, a year from now, a lifetime from now, I have one thing to say.

Unfold your wings and just keep trying.

That’s what I’m doing. Flap. Flap. Flap.

What Can I Do Today to Begin Simplifying?

You’ve made the decision to simplify your life. You understand what simplifying is and that it involves some hard choices. And now you’re eager to jump in with both feet and purge the house, wipe out the schedule, and move to a deserted island in the Pacific.

Slow down. Take a deep breath. Simplifying is a process, yes, but it is also a lifestyle and a mentality. You can’t do it and be done. “I simplified. There. Now life is simple.”

But you can jump right in.

What can I do today to begin simplifying?

Look around you with open eyes and make a life assessment. Ask yourself these big questions:

Big Question #1: What are my priorities, the biggest gifts in my life that I want to enjoy?

Big Question #2: What is preventing me from enjoying those gifts to the fullest?

Big Question #3: What do my actions say my priorities are? In other words, does how I choose to spend my limited time reveal that I more highly value the trappings of life (girls day out, a spotless home, scrapbooking, Facebook, television, healthy eating, fashion, shopping, career, blog, the gym) or the gifts of life (husband, children, relationships, faith)?

Ideally, your answers to number three and one should be the same…but they’re not, are they? In that case, take a strong look at number two to see why numbers one and three are not the same. This isn’t technically math, but there are enough numbers in there to be a little scary, so let’s summarize it like this:

From this day forward, begin conscientiously behaving according to your priorities. Make every action and decision show what you value most.

Here are three blatantly obvious examples:

Blatantly obvious example number one:

You enjoy your quiet morning time. You read the Bible, pray, sip coffee, and hit Pinterest. You’re filling your parenting board with inspirational and encouraging posts about positive parenting when your three-year-old shows up in the midst of your quiet too-early-to-wear-the-mommy-hat time. You have two choices.

Choice #1: Grow irritated (even if you think it’s only internally) that your “me” time has been interrupted, because “I need that time to just be me, to focus on me, to collect myself for the day before I spill myself out for everyone else–is that too much to ask?”

Choice #2: Welcome that little sleepy blessing into your quiet time, your arms, your lap, and most especially your heart, just as you would want to be welcomed. Maybe that means the end of Pinterest, or maybe you’ll be clicking through to every twirly skirt pin or Lego pin. And yes, that important alone time that does help revitalize a mama is at an end.

Blatantly obvious example number two:

You have a hungry two-year-old, a whiny, over-tired kindergartener, and a nine-year-old crying over homework. Your husband is late coming home from work, even though he promised he’d take care of the kids so you and Fill-in-the-Blank could go see a movie. Your husband finally shows up from a hard day at work, and he has a headache. He forgot to stop at the store for baked chicken like you asked, because his meeting ran late and he isn’t feeling well. You have two choices.

Choice #1: Say, “It’s about time!” and head out the door, thanking your lucky stars it’s not you dealing with that mess tonight.

Choice #2: Call Fill-in-the-Blank (whose parents should have thought of a better name, and who shouldn’t have married Mr. Blank) and tell her that you have to put family first. Maybe some other time.

Blatantly obvious example number three:

You’re saling with your gal-pal–not the boat kind of sailing, but the garage sale, clearance rack, consignment store kind of saling. You see the absolute cutest dress for your daughter and it’s only $5, regularly $45. Wow, and those Gap jeans for your son! Two bucks? Seriously? Oh, saddle shoes are coming back. Only $10–score! By the time it’s all said and done you’ve got a cart full of $600 worth of clothes for $125. The budget only allocates $50 for clothes, and you really only went out for the necessities. You have two choices.

Choice #1: Buy it all. Charge it while you’re at it. These are awesome deals and some sweet name brands. You can’t pass this stuff up, Girl!

Choice #2: Respect the budget and the desire to not have over-stuffed closets, and put it all back except the two things you actually need…which are probably the jeans for your son, because jeans on boys last about as long as ice on a hot tin roof.

This may seem like a ridiculous exercise, but you are making these decisions every day of your life. On paper, the answers are obvious. (Uh, it’s 2 every time. Just pretend you knew that.) In real life, we make the wrong choice far too often.

We select the season premier of Once Upon a Time over a teen who obviously needs to talk. We interrupt our loved ones to check a text or take a phone call. We choose friend time or screen time over quiet time with our children and spouse.

We opt for possessions over peace–a peaceful, uncluttered home, a peaceful budget, peaceful family time not spent managing clutter.

We choose hobbies, passions, and pastimes over people. We select umpteen gazillion activities for the kids over relaxed (and very valuable) home time with the kids.

The first step in simplifying is to realize that every decision you make affects the direction your life heads and who gets left behind. Whether that direction is simplifying, or whether it’s continuing down the complicated path you apparently now trod (or you wouldn’t have read this far) is up to you.

Begin today to make deliberate decisions that emphasize your priorities, letting the non-essentials fade into the background. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s downright hard. Do it anyway.

It’s worth it.

Talk to me! Are you committed to simplifying your life and putting your priorities back where they belong?

Reminder: If you are interested in The 2013 Confident Mom Planner and Supplement to help simplify the daily process of managing your home, the discount code SIMPHOME will give you $2 off the combo through Friday, 1/18. You will still have to declutter, prioritize, and make deliberate decisions, but this can help manage the daily duties of a household. I like it…a lot…a lotta lot. Read my review here, or head straight to The Confident Mom here.